I've not been posting because, frankly, I just couldn't. It was too much.
Recipe for depression:
Get sick for almost three weeks, missing the Christmas Dinner and Concert that I had been looking forward to for months. Add in the standard holiday chaos, mix in the ongoing car problems (we're down to one not-so-reliable car, so I'm stuck. At home. All. The. Time. Couldn't even go to church for Christmas.), stir in allergies deciding to flare up (no dairy, eggs, wheat, or corn until my guts settle down and decide to play nice.), beat in a hefty dollop of the divisiveness of the election...and to all that, fold in Danny trying to meet a deadline to get the first draft of his book submitted, so he's been unavailable at best and...hmmm, "grumpy", let's go with "grumpy"...at worst. Garnish with cold, dreary, rainy, grey days...and mud. Lots of mud. Guaranteed to sap the joy right out of living. Usually results in constant exhaustion and the inability to concentrate on anything.
I keep telling myself that I have no reason to be depressed. Lots of people have it much worse than the minor inconveniences I've mentioned above. Heck, I'VE had much worse than that, many times before. Usually when I start feeling down, I'll do the whole "Smile REAL BIG and Fake it 'til you make it" thing and wait for the darkness to pass.
Isn't working this time.
I know things are not that bad, that it is just my perception that is the problem. I know that these problems will be resolved and eventually the sun has to come out. But even knowing that, depression keeps whispering, "You're wrong. Things will never get better." After a while, arguing against the whispers gets to be too much to bear.
I keep telling myself depression lies...I'm just having trouble believing myself.